Losing Your Memory
by emptysouls
Summary: Blair and Chuck, Chuck and Blair. As damaged as it is, full of schemes and games, drama and romance, it is their world. But can they make it? Can they leave everything behind and have a fresh start?
1. Losing Your Memory

AN: So this is it. This is the beginning. This is my very first chapter and I can promise you that this story is going to get better and better. Every chapter is going to be inspired by a song and you can listen to it while you are reading it. I guess that it would help you understand the story line better and feel the same amount of emotion that I felt while writing this. This chapter's song is Losing Your Memory by Ryan Star. As all of this is said, we can start Blair and Chuck's journey.

**Losing Your Memory**

**The damage is done ,the police are coming too slow now**  
**I would have died, I would have loved you all my life.**  
**You're losing your memory now.**

Blair Waldorf was looking at herself in the mirror. What had she become? She wasn't that strong, determined woman who everybody was used to anymore. She was slowly turning into a total stranger and not just to herself but also to her friends and family and all of this because of him. Because of the only man who knew the game as well as she did, the only person she couldn't let go no matter how badly he hurt her, no matter how deep the cuts he caused were.

There she was looking at a total mess, looking at herself. Her hairband wasn't matching her Luis Vuitton handbag which had simple lines and chic Monogram canvas. Her curls weren't that perfect anymore and her make up was a total mess and yet, she was supposed to be the Blair Waldorf people expected her to be. She was supposed to act like nothing had ever happened, but she was changed, everything was changed. She was sick of losing people, she was sick of her life. She took a sharp breath as she adjusted her flora infinity print silk Gucci dress and her ankle strap from her light bronze metallic leather platforms.

"Blair Waldorf, you can do this!" she said more like trying to convince herself that it was going to end up fine. She slowly closed the door and got out of her house which was more like a mansion. With a vintage look specific to the early 80s but an elegance that was clearly imposed by Blair's perfectionist eyes, the house was one of the most beautiful ones from The Upper East Side. She got out in a rush but she was so tired. She couldn't run on her 5.5" heels despite her clumsy attempts.

She got in the limo that was parked a few streets away from her place.

"Where to miss Waldorf?" her driver asked.

She took a deep breath and replied with a distant voice "To the hospital". "And don't ask questions! Vite, vite!" she added, not letting her driver say a word.

Manhattan had never looked that empty to Blair. People seemed colder, they wanted to fit in. Like it was that easy. She had always been inside, she had always been the one who made the rules, the others played the game. As they passed by the Central Park, she spotted a familiar blonde.

"S!" she shouted as the blonde stopped. She was beautiful. Her long tanned legs were perfectly emphasized by her short black dress. She was Serena van der Woodsen, Blair's best friend since the two of them could remember.

"Where are you going, B?" she asked.

"The hospital." Blair answered straight away, knowing that Serena would understand what was happening.  
S got in the car as soon as soon as she hear her best friend's words. A million questions went through her mind but she just managed to ask "You still love him, huh?"

"Can't imagine the day i won't."

In that moment Serena felt compassion for her friend who was so vulnerable, in a way that Blair Waldorf had never been and yet, there she was, trying to pull of a brave look and a forced smile. Serena could read Blair like an open book, she knew what her best friend was capable of and how Blair could not only move mountains but easily lift them. She missed her so much but she couldn't ask questions now, she just needed to be there for her.

They got out of the car. The weather wasn't as pleasant as it used to be. The clouds were gathering on the sky that turned from a bright blue to a dark grey. Blair thought to herself that it was a sign but she ignored it and entered the hospital building. Serena was trying to keep up with her.

"Where is he?" Blair asked afraid of the answer.

Nate, Chuck's best friend was there with everyone Blair used to be so close with. Lilly, Chuck's mother was sitting, wrapped in Rufus' arms kind of shocked to see Blair. Well, everybody seemed to be. Dan was the only one who dared to say something.

"He is in a bad statement, Blair. You cannot see him now."

"I need to!" she added with desperation and need in her voice.

"Tell her Dan.." Serena softly told Dan. She knew that he would listen to her.

"Room 405." Dan replied with an absent voice.

"Thank you." Blair whispered as she headed to the hospital room she was so familiar with.

_"How are you feeling? he asked her as his fingers drew circles on her face._

_"Well, it could be worse." she replied trying to smile to assure him that she was alright._

_"I thought I lost the only thing I cared about. You scared me, Blair."_

_"I'm fine now, Chuck." she whispered with tears filling her eyes, aware of how close she was to losing him. She started playing with his hair knowing that it would help him calm down._

_"I will always love you." he whispered as she held her tighter._

_"I will always love you too." she whispered. Her voice was shaking, trying to memorize the moment in her mind and keep it there for as long as it was possible._

She pushed the door open and her voice came out full of emotion and hope, her voice was shaking. "Chuck?" As she took a closer look the tears began to run down her cheeks immediately. Dan was right, she couldn't see him. She had never seen him so vulnerable and harmed. His body was covered in scars. A little scream escaped her lips as she tried to stay on her feet. The mission seemed impossible.

"B-Blair?"

That was when she heard his voice for the first time in months. She couldn't handle it. He was her world and seeing her world so damaged didn't feel right. It didn't seem fair.

_"Whatever games you two are playing, it is gonna bring the two of you down. And it's not gonna be pretty or fair. Are you ever playing fair?" Serena asked furiously._

_"Welcome back to the Upper East Side, S." Blair laughed content with herself._

_"Come on sister, lighten up! It's not like he is not going to come back. He always does." Chuck added smiling full of himself._

_"Ugh!" Serena screamed in agony. "I swear, if Dan is not going to forgive me you are gonna pay for it."_

"Serena was right. It brought us down."

That was all Blair managed to say before bursting out of the hospital room. She couldn't stand seeing him like this. But she didn't forget what he had done to her, how could she ever forget?

AN: This was it. Hope you enjoyed it and that you guys are determined to read the next chapter. Please leave a review, it would be much appreciated!


	2. Season Of Love

AN: I just wanted to thank to those who read my story, it means so much for me. I promise you that it is going to get better and better. Right now I am trying to figure out an end and exactly what I want from the story. Also this chapter's inspirational song is Season Of Love by Shiny Toy Guns. This song was in my favorite Gossip Girl scene ever. Also the parts written in italics are flashbacks and the ones that are divided by a line are from a different times. (present or past)

**Season Of Love**

**Love, love, love**  
**Crazy with it, crazier without**  
**Never certain, never full of doubt**  
**Now you feel it, now you don't**

"B, give me that!" he chuckled chasing Blair through his huge living room.

"Come and take it, Bass!" she said playfully as she ran faster, showing Chuck the remote.

"Owww!" Chuck groaned in pain.

"Are you alright?" Blair turned to look at him with a hint of concern visible on her face.

"I hate this table." Chuck groaned in pain once again.

Blair got closer to him. She touched his face with her left hand and as she looked into his eyes she asked "Hey, does it hurt?"

With one fast move Chuck grabbed the remote from her right hand and lifted it up as a sign of victory. He started laughing hysterically "You should have seen your face, B!"

"Oh, you bastard! Blair pouted. "Not fair!"

"Do we ever play fair?" Chuck smirked.

He was right, they never played fair, they had their rules, they had their schemes. That's what they were known for. That's why every girl was dreaming of being like Blair Waldorf and that's why most of the boys were wearing faded print cashmere scarves. They all wanted to be like Chuck Bass.

"Now we're gonna watch baseball!" Chuck said proud of himself.

Blair cuddled next to him on the coach and kissed his cheek. "What should I wear for Lilly's engagement party?"

"Everything looks good on you." Chuck answered, paying more attention to the game.

"Chuck Bass, you don't say." she giggled as he starting tickling her.

Their faces were so close that they stopped for a moment. They looked at each other's lips at the same time. Chuck could feel Blair's soft breath fasten and he couldn't take it anymore. He brushed his lips against her's with desire. Blair was taken by surprise but she responded quickly, her lips colliding with his, this time being closer than ever. They felt like they were connected: mentally and physically. Their tongues were having their own war of power, of domination.

Blair's phone interrupted them. Chuck was still holding her in his arms and looking intensely at her.

"Yes?" her voice sounded through the room. She needed to gather her breath. Frustration ran through her body at the sound of Serena's voice.

"Morning jogging or what, B? You sound exhausted." Serena giggled.

"Why did you call S?" she replied to her best friend quite embarrassed of her remark.

"Dan and I are going together to the engagement party. My mom is so excited to see everybody gathered once again. Dan is at Rufus' house and I just wanted to let you know that Nate doesn't have a date and that it would be nice for you to go with him. It would just take his mind off things. Since his father went to jail he hasn't been himself."

Blair looked at Chuck for approval but he seemed hypnotized by her brown eyes looking deeply into his and their bodies being so close to each other. The tension was still running through the room.

"B? Are you still there?"

"Yes! I was just.. uhh. Look Serena, I can go with Nate, as friends. I'll see you there!"

"Love you B!" Serena sighted in relief.

"You too!"

Blair put her phone on the table and moved her legs on Chuck's lap. He started drawing little circles on her soft skin with slow movements, looking into her eyes.

"I have to go with Nate. He's going through a rough time." Blair broke the silence and started playing with his fingers.

"It's fine, B." he smiled reassuringly at her.

"I'm going to get ready." she said as she kissed his cheek. "See you there, Bass."

"You too B."

She left his apartment in a rush. She needed to look perfect. The engagement party was not just a "family" event but it was also one of the most important and fancy parties of the year.

"Not too elegant, not too classy. You can do this Waldorf." she said more to herself.

"Dorota!" she shouted through the house. "I need my hair designer to be here in 10."

"Yes miss!" Dorota replied.

She has not only been Blair's maid since she was little but also her family. Since her mom was such a busy woman she spent more time with the lovable Dorota. She was Russian and her family died in an accident so Blair was pretty much everything that she had.

As Blair demanded, the hair designer arrived on time. He just straightened her hair and added a hairband which was so specific to Blair Waldorf. It matched perfectly her knee-length flower print black pencil skirt. Her volant lace Dolce Gabbana top with an elegant bow that went around her neck looked perfect. She was ready.

"Miss, the limo is waiting outside for you. You look beautiful!" Dorota said.

"Thank you." Blair smiled.

As soon as she arrived at the party she spotted Nate in a corner. He was alone. Serena was right, he was going through a hard time.  
"Nate!" Blair shouted as she went towards him.

"Blair. Serena told me." he replied with a distant tone.

"What did she tell you?"

"That you are going to be my date for tonight. I just wanna thank you." Nate smiled at her.

"Yeah, no problem Nate. Let's go! Everyone must be inside." she paused and asked after a few seconds "Has Chuck arrived?"

"Yes, he had asked for you."

Blair and Nate congratulated Lilly and Rufus as soon as they entered Serena's huge living room.

"Look at you, you're flawless B." Serena came and hugged her as she congratulated her mom.

"So are you!" Blair smiled. "S, I need to talk to you about something."

They went out of the crowded living room as Blair burst out.

"I'm falling in love with Chuck. We have been best friends since forever and I just start getting more and more attached to him."

"I'm happy for the two of you then." Serena replied not sure of where Blair's sadness was coming from.

"It's just that I don't think that he can love someone, he's Chuck Bass."

"And you're Blair Waldorf. It's going to be alright." S reassured Blair as she hugged her tight. "Come on, he's been looking for you, B."

"Oh my god, there he is." Blair pointed at Chuck who was sitting alone on Serena's huge coach drinking Jack Daniels.

"Chuck, over here!" S shouted, giggling sympathetically at her best friend.

"You are dead!" B shook her head in disbelief.

Chuck approached them and Serena left them alone.

"May I have this dance?" Chuck asked extending his hand for Blair.

"Of course you may."

They got closer to the other couples that were dancing and started moving slowly on one of Blair's favorite songs.

"You look gorgeous tonight, if that isn't obvious." Chuck whispered in her ear.

Chills ran down Blair's spine. His husky voice drove her insane. She nodded her head not aware if she was capable of saying anything at the moment. His hands were softly moving on her waist, desire visible in his eyes. And they kissed. It wasn't like before. It wasn't as sweet and innocent. It was full of passion, their tongues fighting once again for domination, their bodies still moving on the music. For Blair it was magic, it was powerful, everything she's wished for. For Chuck it was his way of showing his feelings, feelings that he couldn't express in words.

* * *

Blair was running down the halls of the hospital. Tears were streaming down her face, she couldn't stop them. Someone grabbed her hand and she collapsed into the familiar arms she had missed so much.

"Shhh, B. You're gonna be alright." Serena said trying to calm down her best friend.

"Did you see him? He's hurt." Blair cried louder this time, screams leaving her mouth one after another. Screams of pain, of need.

After a few hours Serena managed to calm down her best friend.

"How have you been?"

"I guess that better. But I still have nightmares S." Blair responded silently, ashamed of her statement. "I miss him so much."

"I know B. But don't you see? You can't deny it. Everything that you've gone through keeps leading the two of you back to each other."

AN: Hope that you like this second chapter. Please leave your reviews. I'm looking forward to hear your thoughts.


	3. Give Me Love

AN: I'm sorry that I didn't post this chapter yesterday as I promised but my Christmas day was busier than I thought. Now, back to the story. This chapter's inspirational song is Give Me Love by Ed Sheeran. Thought it would fit perfectly.

**Give Me Love**

**Give a little time to me, we'll burn this out,**  
**We'll play hide and seek, to turn this around,**  
**All I want is the taste that your lips allow,**  
**My my, my my, give me love.**

The next morning Blair woke up in her bed next to Chuck. Dorota entered the room quietly and whispered "Miss Blair, Dan is waiting for you and mister Chuck in the living room. He said he wanted to talk to you."

"Ugh, tell him to come at a more decent hour." Blair demanded rolling her eyes.

"I'm afraid that he is determined to talk to you miss." Dorota said apologetically.

"Okay, we are coming."

"Chuck, wake up." Blair said getting out of the bed.

"What's with the rush? We could stay in bed all day." Chuck said grumpy.

"As much as I'd love that I can't stand knowing that that douche with no style is staying for more than 5 minutes in my beautiful house."

Chuck got out of the bed and kissed Blair's cheek. He put his hands around her waist as she was dressing in her chestnut crocodile-effect Gucci dress. It fit her curves perfectly and gave her a classy and sexy look. He began kissing her neck then her shoulders as moans escaped Blair's lips. He left marks on her neck and when he found her sweet spot her breath began to quicken. It turned him on and she couldn't stand it anymore. She turned to face him and kissed his lips with desire. His hands were now wildly moving on her waist as he was trying to unzip her dress. Blair was firmly pressed to her huge closet, her legs curled around Chuck.

"Miss Blair, you need to hurry up!" they heard Dorota shouting.

"Shit." Blair whispered in agony as she pulled away straightening her dress.

She grabbed Chuck's hand and they walked to the living room.

"This would better be important Humphrey!"

"It is Blair. Serena and I had a huge fight the previous night and I just lost control." Dan explained ashamed of his actions.

"Oh come on. You came here this early just to tell us about your little fight? Find someone who cares Humphrey." Chuck interrupted the two of them. He was clearly bothered by his presence.

"What happened?" Blair asked as she ignored Chuck.

"It started from nothing. I was just not feeling like going out with her to pick up her dress for that fancy event that takes part tonight. She started getting pretty mad and I just lost my temper for a moment. I broke a glass from the table and she started crying, like she was scared of me. I just don't understand her strange passion of going to all these events. It bothers me." Dan ended out of breath.

"Oh. my. god." Blair remained shocked. "You see, that's why you're not a part of this world. As much as you want it you will never be like us. You're from another world, you do not see things like we do. You don't belong here. Serena deserves someone like her. She is a beautiful, independent and mostly smart person. Which you aren't."

Dan got up from the couch and left the room. He needed time to think, he needed time away. That's when he decided to leave from the Upper East Side. Far, far away. He left Serena a message saying that he was sorry and that he could not do that anymore, pretend like he is one of them and added that Blair was right. Serena showed pissed off at Blair's apartment. They had a huge fight that day and Serena seemed sure that whatever it was that Blair and Chuck were doing to other people, they were going to get it back. And that it was not going to be pretty or fair.

* * *

Chuck's POV:

His whole body was trembling. Sounds tried to escape his lips but they couldn't. He had just seen the only person that his body was aching for, the only thing that kept him fighting for so many years and still somehow she just slipped. She wasn't his to hold, she wasn't his to touch, to calm down, to love, to treasure.. She just wasn't his anymore. And it hurt. It hurt him so badly that he couldn't go through another day without her. Hell, he didn't want to, and because he had just seen her for the first time in a long while all of his wishes, desires started to burn even more wildly through his body. They started to take control. He had memorized her features and flaws. He knew every detail of her body, he knew how her hair fell perfectly down her shoulders, how her eyes shined in the darkness, how beautiful she was inside and out. And now, she seemed more fragile, more vulnerable and that made him want her even more. That made him want to be her comfort, her safety place. It all came back to him. All the memories all the nights when it was just him and her. It all came back in flashes, except her. She never came back. She wouldn't.

As he regained his strength he shouted as loud as he could. The sound of Blair's name traveled through the hospital halls. He tried to stand up but Nate came immediately in the room.

"Chuck! You need to calm down!" he shouted trying to bring some sense back into his best friend.

"I need to see her, man. I just need to talk to her." he continued begging Nate to ask Blair to come back in his hospital room once again.

"Listen. I just can't. I don't even know why she came here but she would've talked to you if she had wanted to. Serena has been trying to calm her down for hours. She is vanished enough, so for her sake please let her be." Nate interrupted Chuck desperate.

"I need her. I need to see her. I love her so much." his voice was shaking from the earlier statement. He admitted that out loud and the realization of it came and hit him straight in the face. Hearing Nate rant about how damaged Blair was because of him made his heart ache. "I want to fix this. I want to tell her how sorry I am."

"Why all of a sudden?"

"I-I couldn't bring myself to talk about that subject with her or anyone else. The thought of her going through that is too... too cruel for me to handle"

"But she did go though that. And she needed you. Damn it, she needed you more than anyone else."

That was when Chuck couldn't take it anymore. He broke down. At the sight of his best friend actually crying, no, at the sight of Chuck Bass crying, Nate started to feel sorry and he swore to himself that he would do his best to get Blair talk to Chuck.

"I will try my best, but I don't promise anything." Nate left the room rushing to where Blair and Serena had been sitting for hours.

"Blair!" he said out of breath as he reached them. "Please, please, I am begging you, you need to go back in there."

AN: I am really sorry because this chapter is so short but I made a plan for each one of them and I just couldn't express the idea of it in more words. I hope you like it anyways. The next one is pretty emotional, I must admit.


	4. Stupid Boy

AN: This chapter doesn't have the "past part". Listen to the song's words carefully, it fits perfectly this chapter's idea. Also I want to thank My for the HUGE help. I have been stuck here for a month or so but she helped me get over my "block".

**Stupid boy**

**She laid her heart and soul right in your hands**  
**And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans**  
**I guess to build yourself up so high**  
**You had to take her and break her down**

Blair found herself moving towards the familiar room. She took a deep breath as she saw the numbers written in a dark grey. 405.. She was still asking herself why she was even doing this. She just couldn't stay away, now could she? She was so mad at herself. She was Blair Waldorf, she was not weak, she did not depend on anyone, damn it she was Blair Waldorf but she just couldn't spend a second without thinking of him.

Blair's POV:

Do you know how it is like to lose the only thing that makes you feel alive? When you give your everything but apparently your everything is not good enough, cause when you need him to be there he freaks out. That's when I became ashamed of myself, of the emotions I was feeling and at the desperate thought of getting them out of me. I wanted them to be gone. I wanted to be what people thought that I was but at the same time I didn't want to live up to anyone's expectations. My low self-esteem was slowly taking control of my actions, thoughts and just for a moment, a tiny little moment I lost it all. I used to lose it all.. But nobody has ever known that, nobody has ever seen the hurricane that takes control over me whenever somebody messes up with my emotions. I wasn't going to open myself up, not anymore. I was supposed to be strong. I kept repeating to myself, I am Blair Waldorf but really, who was Blair Waldorf without Chuck Bass? Cause I haven't figured out the answer yet and you wanna know why? Because I have never truly let him go. At times i wanted to go back and feel the pain that i used to feel when we were together. I felt like it was worth it. I even went to sleep in the early hours of the evening hoping that my dreams would get me closer to him, or if not, at least back in time. Sometimes i used to fear Chuck's humanity. I used to try to find people he had loved along the years just to make myself sure that he was capable of love. Wasn't he? Could he just open himself up? That just wasn't important anymore, or was it?

I got out of my mind when I realized that a cold tear ran down my cheek. For the past months I had been struggling not only with the heartbreak but also with the flashbacks that followed and now I was just getting it all out on him. I had been waiting for so long for this, for the chance to give him a little piece of my mind. I opened the door, not as gently as I did the previous time. He immediately looked at me not really believing that I was there.

"Nate must have given you good arguments, never thought that I'd see you back in here." his soft voice echoed through the hospital room. I felt a bittersweet taste in my mouth as I remembered the previous conversation that I had with Nate.

_"Why should I even go back Nate?"_

_"He needs you Blair, he wants to fix it all."_

_"Do I look like I can be fixed Nate?" I started screaming, bringing some sense into him like my life depended on it._

_"Do you even know why he got here in the first place?"He continued calmly, ignoring my raised voice. I shook my head waiting for him to continue._

_"He was so drunk Blair, after you had gone he just lost it all. That night he saw a brunette wearing a yellow headband. Considering his statement, she looked so much like you from behind. He started stumbling towards you - well her, and he began crying like a little baby. Your name was the only word that left his mouth that night. That was when a car came and hit him. He didn't play attention to my warnings, nor did he want to. He just wanted you."_

_"I might go and see what he has to say." I replied quietly feeling guilty that I had even agreed to do such thing._

"Was I just a toy?" I blurt out.

"You were my everything Blair. You know it, you know how much I l-"

I interrupted him not wanting to hear those words leaving his mouth ever again. "Hush. I needed you Chuck. For once in my fucking life I needed someone and guess what, you were never there. I am over you."

"Is this what you really think or is it just what you are trying to make yourself believe?"

"You out of all the people, you used me."

"I didn't use you Blair."

"Of course you did. When I wasn't strong enough you just ignored me."

"Don't you think that it hurt me to see you crying yourself to sleep every night? Don't you think that I was terrified? You didn't speak to anyone. I was scared of hurting you more, I didn't know what to say or do. I have never been in that situation."

"I just needed you to be there."

"Please, just let me make it up to you."

"How can you even say that Chuck? Make it up to me? You're speaking like you hooked up with some girl for a night and it's not such a big deal. You can't take it all back. I'm sick of your games, how could I even trust you?"

"It can't be over." His voice began to shake.

"Get over yourself." I replied with no emotion. My voice, I think it scared him. It was so plain, it showed him my "indifference". He didn't want to face that. He didn't want to believe me and I could only image all the questions that were going through his head.

I needed air. I wanted to get out of the room as I felt the familiar taste of the salty tears running down my cheeks, touching my lips and going down my neck. He grabbed my hand with the strength of a healthy person that I didn't expect him to have. I sat on his hospital bed with my back turned towards him. I didn't want to face him. He slowly took me in his arms, his features showing me compassion. His hand was slowly wiping away the tears that couldn't stop coming. I felt so fragile, it seemed like he didn't want to break me. I closed my eyes as I listened to his comforting words echoing through my mind. They captivated my attention, his scent making him way too irresistible. His cologne was a soft mix of bittersweet aromas. I breathed it in, inhaling the scent I used to know so well. I slowly faced him afraid of the effect it would have on me. He started to lean in and I somehow found the power to push him away, ignoring the lack of affection that had been haunting me. My voice began to raise. Oh, how annoyed I was.

"How can you fucking dare to try to kiss me? After the pain you had put me through." His caring soft eyes were scanning my face.

"You just need to listen to me Blair! Goddamnit, listen to me!" He shouted the second part and made it sound so harsh that I instinctively backed away.

"I'm just done with this." He grabbed my hand and stopped me from leaving.

"No! You stop running away! Tell me what you want from me, just tell me Blair." He sounded desperate, needy. Too bad I wasn't going to give him what he had been wanting all this time.

"I wanted - " He interrupted me getting more and more furious. We were both shouting at the point. I was sure the nurses would come in any moment.

"No! Fuck it! Just fuck it Blair! I made a mistake, a big one and I am sorry. But you need to tell me what you want from me. Not back then, right now. Tell me B!"

"It's not that easy."

"Dammit, can't you see it? You just need to fucking open up."

"Don't go all angry on me cause I am the one who is supposed to be angry. How much can one take? Huh Chuck? How much?"

"I can help you. I. can. help. you." He repeated it over and over again, the more he said it, the angrier i was. I felt like kicking something in agony, I felt like slapping him, screaming louder, punching him, destroying him. But instead I closed the space between us, making our lips collide in a fight of domination. How I missed his soft lips and velvet touch. The passion was there, it had always been. His lips were angrily devouring mine making it difficult for me to breathe from time to time. His hands were moving down my curves making goosebumps along their way. My legs were wrapped around his waist and my hands were lost in his hair.

_Chuck's POV:_

Passion, love, ache, want, lust, desire, sorrow, happiness.. It was amazing how all these feelings managed to surround me at once. All I could see was Blair, she was all I wanted to see. I didn't believe it when she found the strength to kiss me but that was Blair. She surprised me with her determination, stubbornness and want.

She pulled away looking puzzled. She had kissed my lips one more time before going out of the room, leaving me breathless.

**AN: Please review and let me know if I should go on with the story.**


	5. Lost & Damaged

AN: This came out sooner than I expected. I hope that you guys send in more feedback and also like this intense chapter. This chapter's song is Everything by Lifehouse, however I thought that "Lost & Damaged" suited the story better so I gave it another title. And also you could listen to Far Away by Nickelback since it fits this chapter and it is extremely beautiful.

**Lost & Damaged**

**I sit back and reminisce, it hurts to think about it all**  
**We were on top of the world, whoever thought that we would fall.**

"BLAIR! Open up! Serena banged on Blair's door clearly angry, her harsh tone making it obvious.

A tired Blair let Serena in. She had just put her plates printed Dolce Gabbana stretch dress. Her Kate Moss leather low boots were a perfect match to the beautiful dress which wasn't on market yet but Blair somehow managed to pull and few strings here and there and actually get to wear it a few months before it hit the stores.

"Nice to see you too S."

"I wouldn't be here because I am so mad at you but still, for Chuck's sake I needed to tell you this, he's my brother after all. He is in trouble, Blair."

Blair started to panic, her mind searching for plans or a way of helping him. She was staring at a fixed point, her eyes looking blank.

Serena raised her voice trying to get her attention. "I heard Bart talking about his people. He said they were after Chuck and that they are willing to do whatever it takes to get to him."

"Thank you S." That was all Blair managed to say as she grabbed her Louis Vuitton bag and rushed towards Chuck's hotel.

Nothing had happened to him. He was fine, Chuck could take care of himself. His father's people wouldn't get to "work" so fast. Or would they?

She took the elevator, getting more and more anxious. Her big steps were turning into bigger ones. Blair found herself running towards his apartment not liking the feeling of fear that had taken control over her body. As she opened the door with her spare key she was relieved to find Chuck fixing his tie in the mirror.

His eyes were scanning Blair's body, her presence being too unexpected for him. She threw he arms lovingly around his neck and he hugged her tiny waist back. He was taken back by her affection. She was shaking while his arms were caressing every inch of her skin, trying to calm her down.

"Don't let them do anything to you, Chuck." That was when he saw the tears in her eyes.

He had always loved her. For him it wasn't anything she said or done or her warmth and power or the determination that was triggered in her eyes whenever somebody challenged her. It wasn't the way her skin was a relative of the moon, or the way her clothes fit perfectly her curves. The way her body made every man feel small enough, how intimidating she was. It wasn't the sonority of her name, the money of her family, the power Blair Waldorf had. What attracted him to her was that vulnerability that not many people were aware of. It was that brief moment of hurt from her eyes when somebody humiliated her, it was when she was alone at night, it was when she felt betrayed or back-stabbed. It was what made her human. It was her capacity of loving unconditionally even if she hadn't admitted it yet.

"I'm not going anywhere." He whispered more to himself than to her.

She caressed his face taking a moment to admire his beautiful features, her eyes stopping on his lips.

_You hold me in your hands_

_You won't let me fall_

_You steal my heart and you take my breath away_

_Would you take me in, take me deeper now_

_And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you_

_Would you tell me how could it be any better than this_

_Cause you're all I want, you're all I need_

_You're everything, everything_

_You're all I want_

_You're all I need_

_You're everything, everything_

_You're all I want_

_You're all I need_

_You're everything, everything_

_You hold me in your hands_

_You won't let me fall_

His lips captured hers in a slow kiss. He tasted her sweet vanilla lipstick and inhaled in her Chanel fragrance. Her hands were still caressing his face, her closed eyes memorizing his every soft features. Then she pulled away opening her eyes, seeing his face just like she imagined it to be. She went in for another kiss this time more passionate. She was afraid of losing him, of ever letting him go. Little did she now that she was he one who was going to get hurt, that he was going to lose her.

* * *

As soon as Blair left his room Chuck started screaming her name from the top of his lungs, the beating of his heart increasing rapidly. The beeping sound made by the machine that was monitoring his heart beats was getting louder and louder. Blair rushed back into the room followed by a couple of doctors.

Chuck's POV:

I could see how scared Blair was, I could see the tears running down her cheeks. She grabbed my hand softly stroking it until I calmed down. She couldn't cry again, not because of me. I didn't notice when the nurses got out of the room because all that I could see was Blair.

She stood near me. She tried to smile weakly to make me aware of the fact that she was alright but somehow she miserably failed. That was when the unexpected happened.

Blair's POV:

"That night, I-I got out of your apartment at around 11 o'clock." My voice was trembling but I needed to continue. I needed to open up to him. After all he deserved it somehow.

I saw some tears building up in his eyes taken back by my sudden burst. I continued taking small breaths between sentences feeling more and more numb because of the pain.

"There was nobody. It was so dark." I closed my eyes as the terrifying flashbacks came back. It was like I was living it all over again.

"Shh. You're safe B!"

"I was walking towards the limo - "

"But you never got there." Chuck completed my sentence.

"Yes. I felt a hand muffling my screams while another person was covering my head with a black bag. I was so scared." The tears showed how vulnerable she was, how much she wanted to leave that horrible memory behind.

"I don't know where they took me, it was a long ride. When we arrived they forced me out of the car and tied me up to a chair."

"What did they do to you Blair?" He asked me full of hurt.

I shook my head not wanting to get to that part yet. I knew how broken he would feel, how guilty he would feel. I wasn't ready for it. Not yet.

"They kept me there for 3 days straight with nothing to eat or drink. I think they wanted or needed me to be weak. I kept asking questions. They said something about a certain Bass and revenge." The last sentence came out as a whisper. My voice was rough and uneasy causing Chuck to shift every time it raised a little.

"Did they do it Blair?" Cold tears were running down his rosy cheeks. My heart broke at the sight.

Suddenly it all came back. Their laughs were still echoing through my mind as they took off my clothes. Two of the guys were kissing different sides of my neck, touching me everywhere, taking the liberty to do whatever they wanted with my body. The other two were watching amused the disgust and tears that had formed in my eyes. I remembered how I was screaming, how I was desperately trying to push them away from me. At one point the other two grabbed a knife and slid it across my left wrist telling me to shut up if I wanted to make it through the day. I showed the marks that were still haunting me everyday to Chuck. I noticed all sorts of feelings exposed by his eyes but I pushed them away going back to that day. My wrist didn't stop bleeding. It just made me weaker and weaker. I was sick of fighting. I closed my eyes and felt my body numb. I pushed the image of the only person who had ever seen me that way back into my mind. The nights with Chuck, those perfect nights when it was just me and him were the ones I wanted to remember. My name on his lips, waves of pleasure taking control over the both of us, our bodies matching perfectly. With a little effort I could still see the sweat drops running down his back, his heavy breathing, his moans and growls as I was teasing him, the way I couldn't get my eyes of his beautiful features, our bodies melting in the darkness of the room that was invaded by rose petals. And it almost didn't hurt. I didn't dare to open my eyes afraid to replace the image of Chuck with the one of some sick bastard that was thrusting into me with desperation. I felt miserable, hell I still do. I wanted to escape from my body, leave it behind.

After I told him every little detail, every little memory that made me ache, I felt mad. I felt so angry, I wanted to punch him, I wanted to scream, I wanted to tell him how stupid he was for not holding onto me, I had all of these strange urges haunting my mind, ready to explode.

"Do you know how it feels like?" I asked while the tears were flooding my cheeks, mixed up with my makeup. "Do you know how it feels like to shiver every time someone fucking touches your arm, runs his fingers through you hair or makes any contact with your skin? Do you know how it is like when it all comes back? When you remember every second of it, when you live that pain all over again?"

"I don't." He replied, his voice shaking from so much crying.

"You should have been there, you should have known better than the others. You should have know that I needed you, that I was afraid, that I couldn't get over that on my own. You have always known better." I screamed as I stated pushing his body. "I missed you so much. When I was kidnapped all I could think about was you. I didn't want to give up because I wanted to see you again, it was all of our memories that were playing in my head that kept me going! I missed the way my breath got caught up in my lungs whenever I saw your face, the way your finger drew "i love you"'s on my bareback, how people were afraid of us, how powerful we were. I missed the way we fought and the way you kissed my hair, I missed it when we played our games and the way you wanted me -" I couldn't continue, I was crying so hard that he couldn't understand my words. I felt naked, like he knew everything, like there was no game or weapon that could get me out of it and I knew that I have NEVER been that exposed.

**AN: BOOM! Blair finally told Chuck everything. The next chapter will contain Chuck's feelings regarding what Blair had just told him. _The more reviews this gets, the faster the next chapter will be published. _**


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